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Granted, your body begins to mush up and sink, until you become a big blob of pudding.

I wish I could open portals to anywhere.

Granted. Way to go. You just accidentally open a portal to the Warp. Have fun getting ass raped by daemons.

I wish that Eric Andre fuses with Matt Hardy.

Ok, they fused together, however, the fused person later went into an existential crisis after they both "stopped existing", so they immediately killed themselves.

I wish for Bandana Dee to get into Smash Ultimate.

Granted, he's a Sticker Spirit.

I wish I was a Extraverted Social Butterfly.

Granted but every time you talk to somebody, they die instantly

I wish I mastered ultra instinct permanently (with Saiyan biology) and knew how to control and use my powers like goku from dbs, so I could prevent my energy from destroying the world and have a clear grasp on how to use it.

Granted, but you're paralyzed from the neck down.

I wish I had a boyfriend

Granted. Say hello to my youngest brother, Cody. He is 7 years old and wanted a friend to play with in Roblox. And since you wanted a boyfriend, well here’s a boy who wants to be friends.

I wish I can divide by zero.

Granted, but mathematicians hold you captive while they study your powers.

I wish I could pick who was in my classes.

Wish granted, but everybody you picked starts a gang against you and get brutally beaten to death

I wish t series never existed

Granted, Tik Tok took it's place instead.

I wish for more Ａｅｓｔｈｅｔｉｃｓ.

Wish granted. You are forced to listen to this on loop.

I wish that I could be ambidextrous.

Granted, but everyone else becomes ambidextrous, AND develops a second pair of arms to use.

I wish to be a master of all Naruto jutsu.

Granted, but you don't have the Chakra to execute any of them.

I wish for fried chicken.

Granted, but the chicken is fried in the "absorbed ungodly amounts of radiation" sense.

I wish I only needed 6 hours of sleep a day.

Granted, but each day is now 6 hours long.

I wish to be so fat, not even Superman can lift me.

Granted, but because Superman's strength is infinite, you become infinitely fat. This causes you to implode in on yourself from your own gravity. The resulting black hole is so massive that it sucks in the entire universe, effectively ending time and space.

I wish that John Cena would be a playable character in every fighting game made from this point in time onwards.

He'll be DLC… which you can't see.

Now I wish for a neverending bowl of spaghetti.

Granted, the bowl is infinite, the spaghetti isn't.

I wish to know your meme.

Granted, but I don't have one.

I wish Tom and Jerry were cameos in Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

Granted, but Tom gets dipped.

I wish for the power of flight.

Granted, but penguins get jealous, and they peck you.

I wish there was a movie similar to Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but with anime characters.

Granted; you've seen enough hentai to know where this is going.

I wish to plant a tree.

Granted, it never grows.

I wish I could hit whoever I wanted, without ever getting in trouble.

Granted, but you're intangible.

I wish that the "Grotesque Steve" posts would stop.

Granted; they stop for a brief time before continuing with three times the force.

I wish potholes didn't exist.

Granted, but now panholes exist in their place.

I wish I had a coconut gun.

Granted, but it's just for show.

I wish South Park, The Simpsons, Family Guy, and SpongeBob SquarePants would all end, and not have any sequels/spinoffs/spiritual successors.

Granted, REBOOTS! You get a reboot! You get a reboot! You all get reboots!

Wish for style.

Granted. It doesn't suit your own style.
I wish for the Restoration of the Roman Empire.

Granted, all the leaders of Europe, North Africa and the Middle East wake up with massive hangovers and a treaty declaring the rebirth of Rome. They immediately annul it after sobering up.

I wish for editable comments.

Granted, But You Are The Only One Who Can't Edit Yours.

I Wish Just A Pancake Had More Videos To Watch

Granted, but they explode whenever you try to watch them.

I wish everyone laughed like "YUKYUKYUKYUKYUK".

Granted, but now everyone gets attacked by geese when they laugh because it sounds like a goose's mating call.
I wish the next user's wish is incorruptible.

Granted. I wish for complete domination and power over the entire universe.

Granted

I wish for all wishes in the history of this forum to be cancelled.

Granted, but then your wish gets cancelled too, so the thread continues.

I wish I will come across an unclaimed $20 bill in the next 3 days.

Granted, it's next to a dead body.

I wish for French Toast.

Granted. Your toast pops out of your toaster wearing a beret.

I wish I hadn't accidentally downvoted the post above this one.

Granted, but it's too late; Yelling_into_the_Void has already killed you.

I wish I ate Viola's Devil Fruit.

Granted. It does nothing.
I wish Kamen Riders are real.

Granted, but the kaijin aren't real, so the Kamen Riders just sit around and watch soap operas.

I wish I could knock out anyone with a single slap.

Granted, everytime you slap a person someone in the planet gets knocked out, but nothing ensures that it will be the person you slapped

I for my body to be aways in good shape

Granted; your body becomes a circle.

I wish I wasn't thirsty all the time.

Granted, you are eternally hydrated. You die of Hydrogen Poisoning after drinking a glass of water hours later.

. . .

I wish I wasn't mistaken for a certain someone . . .

Granted, you are no longer mistaken for Lysandre; however, you now look like DJ Octavio.

I wish for High Quality Rips.

Granted, they're so high quality that you're literally ripped in half while listening to them. Fun.

I wish I could come up with good topics to discuss with others.

Granted, now all you need is some Others with whom to discuss said topics.

I wish I could type "said" instead of "dias"

Granted. But soon you wish you could type "dias" instead of "said"

I wish Ram Ranch was real.

Granted, they now make Ram Ranch brand ranch dressing from the hooves of mountain rams!

I wish I was better at Starcraft.

You become better, but soon the game takes over your life.

I wish I wouldn't have to pay taxes.